Don’t let a bully’s labels ascertain you — defy them.
Earlier this week, Monica Lewinski fabricated the account for arch a new anti-bullying campaign. She knows how it feels actuality alleged names publicly. The above White House intern was referred as ‘that woman’ during Bill Clinton’s impeachment.
Lewinski has become a able and adventurous activist — the labels and blowing couldn’t stop her.
The #DefyTheName attack wants to conciliate name calling. This reminded me of self-criticism — labeling is article we do to ourselves too.
What happens aback we are the ones blowing ourselves?
Self-bullying is added adverse than actuality afraid by others — it’s absurd to angle up to alien criticism if you can’t stop your own attacks.
Our academician is active to booty shortcuts — that’s why we adulation labels.
Early adaptation depended on the adeptness to see patterns in randomness. Our ancestors bare to discriminate accompany from foes — they had to bound adjudge to either action or fly.
However, accelerated acumen is decumbent to error — we charge additional assumption what our academician is aggravating to acquaint us.
Labeling is added than name calling — it’s an acute anatomy of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of adage “My aftermost activity failed,” you attach a abrogating characterization to yourself: “I’m a failure.” You adeptness additionally alarm yourself ‘a jerk,’ ‘a stupid,’ or ‘an incompetent.’
The use of labels is an aberrant anatomy of thinking, according to David Burnes, who fabricated Cerebral Behavioral Therapy (CBT) popular.
Labels accomplish bodies invisible — we abate them to a audible adjective.
Labeling is a cerebral distortion — it’s a biased angle of ourselves and the apple about us. These aberrant thoughts are generally subtle — it’s difficult to admit them afore they about-face into a pattern. That’s why self-bullying can account so abundant harm — you don’t apprehension aback you alarm yourself names.
When you accomplish a biased acumen about yourself — you let one behavior ascertain you.
We administer that aforementioned apparatus to adjudicator others. If addition takes time to explain something, we alarm that actuality ‘slow’ or ‘insecure.’ Afore we alike apprehend it, those labels become aggregate we see about that person.
Our accuracy tend to accomplish access area there is no relationship — we adapt altered thoughts, ideas, and actions. Those adulterated correlations accomplish us judgmental and dismissive appear others (we included). We alike lose out temper. Mislabeling refers to the appliance of awful emotional, loaded accent to characterization others.
Labels oversimplify reality — we abash a allotment with the whole.
In the workplace, personality tests animate a adeptness of labeling. Instead of aggravating to accept people, we booty a simplified access to aggregation building. Bodies are put in a (personality) box that banned their adeptness to grow.
Human beings feel afflictive with what we don’t know — we are apprenticed to cull calm belief to accomplish faculty of others. Labels analyze in-groups and out-groups — they bisect us based on one audible trait.
Our academician is lazy — categorizing and filing bodies through acumen saves us the effort. Instead of spending time to apperceive addition person, we jump into quick conclusions. The labels we use alone abduction our consequence of addition abroad in a accurate abode and moment.
Labels don’t let us see people — they alarm an oversimplified adaptation of who they are.
When you characterization yourself, you are afterward the aforementioned pattern. Instead of accepting one flaw, you become that flaw. You can’t see above it — you let one birthmark ascertain you.
Self-bullying is harmful.
Would you acquiesce anyone to characterization you the way you characterization yourself?
I’m not adage that alien attacks don’t hurt — but acrid actuality labeled starts with you.
Labels are neither bad nor wrong — the way we use them can be abrogating or positive.
Descriptive labels abode aspects of your identity. The affair is actuality bound to one. Best bodies alarm themselves by their role (spouse, daughter, etc.) or appellation (doctor, engineer, designer, etc.). Your character goes able-bodied above that — you are aggregate you do, both bad and not.
Prescriptive labels don’t aloof alarm us; they force us to do something. If you are the ‘notetaker’ or the ‘great presenter,’ those labels assort you — they force you to comedy the aforementioned role all the time. I see this arrangement actual generally aback alive with teams — some bodies echo themselves and others can’t try new roles.
Labeling hinders your abeyant in assorted ways.
Organizations like to allocution about able and administration development but absence one point — it’s animal development what matters. By acceptable bigger persons, we advance our adeptness to advance and advance as professionals too.
Let’s aish the labels that bisect what we do.
We are aqueous and adaptive — our preferences and behaviors advance through time. But labels arrest your claimed growth. Aback you put yourself into a box, you get stuck.
You are not a label — you accommodate multitudes.
Use the afterward accomplish to become added acquainted of self-labeling. And, best importantly, to stop actuality your affliction bully.
Pay absorption to the words you use to alarm yourself. Ask addition abroad to advice you become added acquainted (even if that requires calling you out from time to time).
Focus on compassionate why and aback you tend to characterization yourself. Do you use them to abuse or accolade yourself? Which affections atom labeling?
Track and abduction all the labels. Do you tend to alarm yourself the aforementioned names over and over? Or it depends on the circumstances. Compare the labels you use and the ones others use to alarm you. What are the commonalities and contradictions? Anything that surprises you? Why?
Grab a allotment of cardboard and bisect it into six according rectangles. Name them:
‘what I adumbrate to others’
‘what I appearance others’
‘what I’m appreciative of.’
‘what I’m ashamed by.’
Grab the account you body and accredit anniversary characterization into anniversary class (it’s accept if one avalanche into added than one). You can use two altered colors to discriminate self-labels from the names bodies alarm you.
Try to accomplish faculty of this analysis. Is there any class that feels added cluttered? Any surprises or contradictions? What this assay acquaint you about how you see (and call) yourself?
As you become added acquainted of how you characterization yourself, abstain axis contest into an adjective — don’t let article ascertain you.
For example, if you lose a match, instead of calling yourself a loser, reframe how you allocution to yourself. Use this structure: “I’m not a loser, I aloof absent a match.”
Going aback to the anti-bullying campaign: don’t let labels ascertain you. Challenge the words you (and others) use to alarm yourself. You are not a label — you can accomplish mistakes, but you are not a flaw. Use humor. Monica Lewinski replaced her Twitter bio by all the names bodies acclimated to alarm her.
When we beam at our labels, they can’t account any harm. Bullies adore seeing their victims suffer. Aback you stop reacting, they will feel abandoned and attending for addition abroad to bother. That applies to you — stop blowing yourself.
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