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Rembert note: Lisanti accustomed to accord me addition Manimal clip. Really? A additional Manimal, but still no “We Are the World”? This is starting to get insulting.

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[Ed. agenda — I can’t acquisition the name of the clairvoyant who blithely appropriate this show, one of the abrupt favorites of my youth. You apperceive who you are, and you accept our abiding gratitude.]

0:05 Whoa, that clothing is shiny.

0:10 Appearance = AUTOMAN.

0:15 That’s so sick. He aloof draws article and it becomes that something. He categorical a car and again it became a car. No one Automan should accept all that cartoon power.

0:23 Automan drives like a crazy person. At atomic he didn’t canyon on the right.

0:28 Shut up. Desi Arnaz Jr. is AUTOMAN? This is unbelievable. I’m so happy, but I don’t apperceive why.

0:33 Chuck Wagner, as … addition Automan? Is Automan a crew? Like Young Money?

0:37 What is this affair that keeps active about the screen? It’s like Tinkerbell, but not alike accidentally hot.

0:54 STOP. Halt production. That affair that was active about the awning is a character, listed as “Cursor” played by Himself. So, unless I’m mistaken, the makers of Automan accomplished out to Cursor and said, “Hey, we’d like you to accept a arresting role in this new show, Automan.” And Cursor responded with, “I will, as continued as I can comedy as myself.” And they responded with, “We’d be honored, Cursor.” I candidly don’t apperceive what to do appropriate now. I was beneath the acceptance it was aloof some aboriginal PowerPoint setting. I’m floored.

0:57 Cursor aloof looked bottomward some girl’s shirt. CLASSIC Cursor.

1:00 I can’t amount out what Automan is or who Automan is or what Automan’s admiral absolutely are. So far, it consists of cartoon helicopters that about-face into absolute helicopters and cutting lasers out of their palms. Or his palms. I don’t know.

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1:24 What the narrator aloof said about Dezi’s appearance (Walter) appealing abundant sums up my accord with Simmons:

“You see, Walter’s a policeman. Unfortunately the arch doesn’t appetite Walter on the streets.”

Walter: Captain.Chief: Get BACK to your case. NOW.

“So Walter allegation action abomination in his own way. In the computer room.”

I adulation the streets.

1:43 I don’t apperceive who’s narrating, but I accept a abhorrent activity it’s Cursor. Please don’t be Cursor.

1:47 Because this is a abstruse ’80s show, it’s already credible this will be a goldmine for “new age” references. We’ve already had “computer room” and now this:

“Walter’s avant-garde adeptness of electronics led him to agreement with what is alleged a ‘hologram.’”

Too good. Please accord me “information superhighway” or “Black president” next, puh-lease. Oh, there’s more:

1:50 “That’s a actual adorned chat for a 3-dimensional account …”

Please breach bottomward what ambit mean. You must. Gimme Gimme More.

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1:52 “… that, aback perfected, can be fabricated to attending real, complete real, and, accustomed abundant power, can be fabricated to feel real. That’s what kinda got me into this world.”

2:02 Who is “me”? Please don’t be Cursor. I’m allurement you, in the name of Vitameatavegamin.

2:17 YES YES YES. Cursor is not narrating. AUTOMAN is narrating. Dezi is not Automan, Dezi MADE Automan. Automan is the Chuck Wagner guy, who looks like a cantankerous amid ER George Clooney and pre-worst John Edwards. Also, he’s a hologram. Sorry, Will-i-am, but it didn’t alpha with you. The apple needs to apperceive that. This is my mission.

2:24 The best allotment about Automan, which makes no sense, is that his accomplished anatomy is this weird, matrix-y, apple advanced web-y pattern, but his arch is absolutely normal.

2:31 Automan is mad cocky. How are you aloof created and one of the aboriginal absolute things you say is, “I attending wonderful.” Chill, pretty-boy hologram. Chill.

2:41 Important dialogue:

Automan: Why did you alarm me Automan? Walter: It agency you’re absolutely the world’s aboriginal automated man. You can do anything, because you’re not real. Automan: Oh, but I am, I’m as absolute as you are, but different. And acknowledgment to you, perfect.

Uh-oh. Automan’s got a God complex. I see this as adverse his adeptness to action crime. He’s like Floyd Mayweather. Automan would absolutely be on the Money Team.

2:51 It gets worse. Automan’s about to be a handful:

Walter: Nobody’s perfect, Automan.Automan: That’s not true, Walter. You programmed me to beam added bodies and do whatever they do, as able-bodied as they can do it.

[CUE ’80s REFERENCES]

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Automan: Jimmy Connors arena tennis, John Travolta dancing, in actuality on a calibration of 1-10, anticipate of me as … an 11.

He absolutely does allocution like a rapper. He’s got to alleviate up his chat a little bit, but he appealing abundant lives by the aforementioned behavior as Rick Ross.

3:11 Dezi is worried. As he should be: In his own words, “I created a monster,” which Automan (now aback in narrator mode, I absolutely can’t accumulate up with this show) responds with, “No, what Walter absolutely created was a force for good.”

3:16 WE SHALL SEE, AUTOMAN. SEE. WE. SHALL.

3:30 Post-commercial breach and aback Automan is an actor. What? Did this blow get chopped and screwed?

3:47 Automan aloof got a allotment in a cine and is acutely admiring with himself. Obviously.

3:52 He aloof referred to himself as “the aing Clint Eastwood,” and again labels his aboriginal blur Dirty Auto. That’s phenomenal, how has that blur never been made? I’d see Dirty Auto 20 times. Dirrrrty Auto 100 times.

4:28 A absolutely new arena aloof happened, with Automan in the backseat of a car with a silencer, aggressive the driver. I can’t acquaint if this a cine role or absolute life, but I anticipate Dezi was in the backseat. This is a shockingly ambagious show.

4:42 WAIT. Cursor = Automan? I allegation a diagram or a breeze blueprint or something. Apparently Automan can go Alex Mack, but instead of sliding beneath doors, he turns into a brawl of agleam activity and flies around. Why was Cursor accustomed his own character? This is so odd.

4:44 Automan aloof Cursored into the badge station, I think. His anatomy is the hologram, but his arch is still actual abundant there. Can bodies see him? Do they aloof see a amphibian head? Was this appearance accustomed by Neil deGrasse Tyson?

4:59 I accord up. The Cursor is not Automan. Automan is in the room, hacking into computers, and aback a adult walks in and sees him, Cursor aloof starts aerial about the room. I accord up on addition out the characters in this show. Also, yes. She can actual abundant see him.

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5:09 Automan is accepting into Walter’s files. Is Automan a bad guy? Where is Dezi? Did Automan KILL DEZI?

5:15 Addition guy walks in. Automan hides abaft the door. How on apple is his aglow dejected ambience not obvious? I would assumption whether or not he can see him, but I aloof don’t affliction anymore. Too confusing.

5:35 OK. I’m activity to accord it one added try. I anticipate I ample out Cursor. He’s Automan’s sidekick, actual abundant like Tinkerbell, and aback he needs to change forms, Cursor somehow outlines what he needs and it happens. Cursor traced a clothing on Automan and one additional after he was cutting a suit. He’s like Mystique from X-Men, but not as evil. Not yet.

5:50 I anticipate Automan aloof affected Dezi. On a biologic charge. Automan is the worst. How are you activity to annex on the guy who created you?

6:26 Automan and one of the lieutenants are about to go investigate what’s activity on with Walter. This should be a fun bonding cruise for the two of them.

6:49 Automan is aback at the wheel, now casual on the larboard and right, like a jerk, activity 200 mph.

6:53 I’ve abstruse you could say annihilation in the ’80s and get abroad with it if you acclimated abundant adjectives. Case in point:

Lt.: What affectionate of car is this?Automan: It’s a top-secret, experimental, authoritative car.Lt.: That I can believe.

CLASSIC ADJECTIVE STRING.

7:19 Lt. can’t handle this car ride, maybe it’s because Automan aloof hit a 90 amount larboard about-face at about 300 mph. Added than that, they assume to be accepting forth swimmingly.

7:33 Lt. is asleep, so Cursor comes out and has a chat with Automan. Cursor (never balloon he’s bravely arena himself) can’t speak, but bounces up and bottomward and Automan understands. It’s like Air Bud 1, 4, and 7.

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7:40 Automan aloof accepted to Cursor that their admiral are low and that they allegation to acquisition a adeptness plant.

8:00 Automan works for the federal government, added affidavit that if you’re appealing abundant and a hologram, you can get annihilation in life.

8:15 Lt. has been ditched, and Automan and Cursor are attractive for the town’s adeptness plant. They say it’s to allegation up, but I’m abiding they’re burglary uranium.

8:20 Automan whizzes by and Walter sees him. It looks like he’s actuality captivated bound or is in bastille or something. Wait, is Automan absolutely good? Has this accomplished affair been a way to breach him out? It can’t be. Prove it, Automan. Prove it to me that you’re not aloof a uranium-stealing hologram spy.

8:55 Yo, I booty aback aggregate bad I said about Cursor. Automan aloof said he bare a motorcycle and Cursor categorical one and again it appeared. Cursor is clearly the coolest accessory ever. Sorry, Landry Fields.

9:17 And aloof aback you anticipation Cursor was done, he categorical Automan a set of bound jeans and a covering biker jacket. This is too good.

9:25 Oh, that’s why the adventure fabricated no sense. Someone aloof took out the best genitalia of the adventure and now it’s over, which agency we’ll never apperceive if Automan is acceptable or evil, and if Desi Arnaz was absolutely a biologic banker or not. Thank you, whoever fabricated this video, for accomplishing me a favor.

*MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE SHOW*

9:30 The closing credits:

“Tomorrow on Acceptable Morning America, the best music videos of the year, Michael Jackson, The Police, Culture Club, and Duran Duran, and affordable fashions for your family. Also this week, Paul Newman, this anniversary on Acceptable Morning America.”

Fantastic.

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