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There’s no amiss acknowledgment to the question, “What’s the best allotment of admonition you can accord a science alum student?” Okay, maybe “neglect your research” would be a amiss answer. So would “hit on your apriorism adviser’s spouse,” and “trust that a tenure-track position awaits you.”

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But as I sat on one of those “Ask a Complacent Scientist Who Already Has a Job” career panels a few weeks ago at Florida International University, I anticipation no acknowledgment to that catechism could abruptness me. Then one of the added panelists offered an abrupt allotment of advice:

Fifty-year-old tenured advisers abrasion whatever the hell they want, and 80-year-old advisers emeriti abrasion the aforementioned clothes they wore at 50, bare pants.

“Dress well,” he said.

In any added career, that admonition would assume innocuous, alike obvious. Of advance you appetite to abrasion a ability accouterment with 5-inch accept pads back you ask the big bang-up for a accession during a annular of golf because (at atomic according to Bewitched) that’s aloof what businesspeople do.

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But for science? Dress well? Really?

First of all, “well” is relative. For me, bathrobe able-bodied agency cutting one of the few items of accouterment I paid money for—instead of best of my wardrobe, which I accustomed for free, partly at appointment display halls.

More importantly, however, the admonition aloof seems amiss for a scientist. If I came to assignment in a suit, anybody would ask me, “What’s with the suit?” If I explained that I was aloof aggravating to advance a able appearance, I’d get looks of pity, assumptions that I’m joking, and possibly a barometer to the animal assets (HR) department.

“Look,” the HR being would say, “we charge to accept a babble about your appearance. Are you abiding you’re blessed actuality in the lab? If you appetite to go assignment at a barrier fund, aloof say so.”

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But for abounding scientists, bathrobe able-bodied is not aloof article that fails to absorption us. It’s article we actively avoid because it ability advertisement the amiss priority. Nice accouterment says, “I’m accession who cares about appearances, which agency I can’t be accession who understands Maxwell’s equations.”

Some say that to accomplish in science, we charge to focus on our careers as carefully as on our work. We charge to cast ourselves, accept a amusing media presence, and appoint in self-promotion. Actualization doesn’t aloof betoken accepted hygiene and not smelling like farts. It’s a anatomy of marketing.

Yet, in my experience, the added avant-garde the scientist—and the added focused and serious—the freer he or she feels to dress like a animation hobo. Twenty-year-old interns abrasion ties. Thirty-year-old industry postdocs abrasion khakis. Forty-year-old analysis scientists abrasion sweatshirts. Fifty-year-old tenured advisers abrasion whatever the hell they want, and 80-year-old advisers emeriti abrasion the aforementioned clothes they wore at 50, bare pants.

It’s as admitting every bookish accomplishment grants you the befalling to accent bottomward your formality. “Congratulations!” the administrator says at your graduation. “Here’s your Ph.D.—now booty off that jacket!” (Actually, I wonder: Are the 20-year-olds bathrobe added shabbily as their careers progress? Or are the best-dressed 20-year-olds accepting baddest out by bank work, throwing bottomward their pipettes at age 24, and saying, “Screw this; I’m action to law school”?)

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I absitively to conduct a awful accurate analysis abstraction on science clothing, which is to say, I did a Google angel chase for “scientist clothing.” Actuality are 10 items the apple thinks we wear:

1. White Lab CoatThis is the one allotment of accouterment that screams “scientist.” It is additionally beat by doctors, orderlies in sanitariums, and 1950’s ice chrism salesmen.

2. GogglesGoggles accomplish faculty if you’re accomplishing an agreement that ability burst into your eye. But the acumen of scientists as wearers of colossal artificial goggles has gone too far. I already accomplished a ninth-grade assay analysis chic alleged “Matter and Energy” (alternately accepted as “Science for Kids Constantly Distracted by Phones”), and our arbiter included instructions for several candid experiments. Anniversary one included a photo of blessed accouchement demography measurements—but no amount how banal the activity, the accouchement consistently wore goggles. Massive goggles. Dropping a marble alongside a criterion or autograph a plant’s acme on a clipboard allegedly requires abounding ocular protection. No admiration kids abhorrence science.

3. MortarboardThanks, Google angel search, for reminding me that scientists abrasion a mortarboard (flat graduation hat) to assignment every day. The mortarboard is the accepted attribute of scholarship, and cutting one agency that you are smart. In accession to scientists, it’s generally allegedly beat by owls.

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4. Wacky Science TieAs mentioned above, best scientists don’t abrasion ties. But there’s consistently that one guy. You apperceive who I mean. He has a accumulating of dozens of science-themed neckties and bowties—constellations, alternate table, bacteria, fractals, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew—and he wears a altered one every day. Back he’s not pirating manga or 3D press his own ambit boards, he loves to admonish the apple that the conceits of appearance abide to be intelligently mocked. Let me acquaint you a abstruse about that guy: That guy is awesome.

5. Lab TimerYes, this counts as apparel, back you blow it assimilate your clothing. Not alone does it advice admonish you back abstracts charge your attention, it helps admonish anybody in the room. “BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! MY EXPERIMENT NEEDS ATTENTION!” it shrieks. “I’M IMPORTANT! I’M DOING LAB WORK AND NOT JUST SHARING BABY ELEPHANT PHOTOS ON PINTEREST!”

6. Abridged ProtectorLike appearance band on eyeglasses, there was a time back this accent was alike with accepted alarmist culture, alike admitting no nerds absolutely wore them. Now abridged protectors arise to accept become an adumbration of science, alike admitting no scientists abrasion them. Come on, world: Pens aren’t decrepit ink like they were in the nineteenth century. We’ve gone to about accepted ballpoint. What’s to protect?

7. Glasses with a Little Eyepiece that Lets You See Things BetterI asked my wife to name article scientists wear. She said, “Glasses … with a little eyepiece … that lets you see things better?” I anticipate she thinks scientists are jewelers.

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8. GlovesWhether acrylic or nitrile, thermally cloistral or polyurethane coated, gloves are a abundant allotment of science accouterment because they accord you all-powerful powers. You can handle hot, cold, sharp, or abrasive substances after injury. In fact, if you abrasion acrylic gloves continued abundant in the lab, you’ll alpha to ambition you wore them all the time in absolute life. “Look how grippy my fingers are!” you’d boast. “I can absolutely dispense tiny things! I feel like a basilisk lizard!”

9. A Pencil Sticking out of Your Beard BunI’ve abhorred discussing female-specific appearance because (a) it feels awful for me to allocution about what women wear, and (b) I don’t absolutely accept annihilation about women at all. But the pencil-in-the-hair-bun is adequately straightforward. It’s a pencil, and it sticks out of your beard bun. Then again, lab notebooks should be accounting in pen, so maybe this appearance has evolved. Women who advance cyberbanking lab notebooks apparently accumulate a beam drive in their hair. I don’t absolutely accept annihilation about women. At all.

10. BSL-4 Positive Pressure Isolator SuitAccording to the Internet, which is never wrong, best scientists dress for assignment as admitting they’re action to bung about a alembic of Marburg virus while architecture microchips central a applicant aqueous nitrogen breath appearance freezer. The abstraction that we’d aloof airing into the lab in artery clothes is abhorrent, because it makes us assume human.

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The man who appropriate scientists “dress well” absolutely accomplished what he preached; admitting the Florida heat, he wore a sharp-looking suit, including belt links and one of those dress shirts whose collar is a lighter blush than the blow of the shirt. (You apperceive the affectionate I mean. Like the affectionate the bang-up wore in Office Space.)

Dressing able-bodied for an account makes sense. It’s a assurance of account and broad-spectrum cleanliness. But in accustomed lab work, anniversary footfall against academism feels like a pretention that distances us from humanness, from captivation with substance, from truth. We are not believing businesspeople whose ability can be afflicted by article as barmy as the name on a label. We are scientists, and our assignment is added important than our shoes. Self-promotion avalanche collapsed unless there’s a aggressive scientist cocky to promote.

They say you should dress for the job you want. Fine with me. I accept to dress for the job that doesn’t affliction how I dress.

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